you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Farmville is her only friend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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