Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
