Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
