She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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