She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
