Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
