woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
