you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
