He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
