ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
