i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
