You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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