I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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