no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sober January is a disaster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
