I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
