...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize