You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He? As in you personified your dick?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
