He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
