her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you made out with another girl for some wings
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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