remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
