i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
