the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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