The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
