Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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