at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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