That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize