my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
