But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
