some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
