It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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