If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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