You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize