This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
