The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
