When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
