i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize