so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
