Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
