She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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