Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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