Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
