well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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