I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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