Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
