:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
