she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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