forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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