totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
