Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
