please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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