maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
