I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize