"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
