I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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