i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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