to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
