Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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