Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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