Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
