best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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