I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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