At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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