You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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