she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dear god my vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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