I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
