My cat gives me a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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