girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
