I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
