I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize