Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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