I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize