Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
