Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize