her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
