i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize