She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
