He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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