He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
