I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
