I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think im in europe. pls send help
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
