At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
