Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize