He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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