Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
