Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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