you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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