When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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