So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
