No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
