we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
