So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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